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Super Injunctions

Following a recent spate of leaks, texts and tweets the government is under pressure from various lobby groups to tighten the privacy laws. A spokesman for a major celebrity and/or a reality television contestant was quoted as saying, “The way things are going my client and hundreds like him, her or it will soon be treated as no more than a member of the general public!”

A court order has been issued on behalf of a major sports star that forbids any mention of their name, club, profession or star sign. In a separate development an injunction brought out by the lawyers of a so called actor in an unnamed soap opera has made it illegal to make any mention of their real or stage name, career, talent or credibility. A member of parliament has managed to win an injunction banning any use of the words ‘corrupt’, ‘immoral’ or ‘lying Tory scum’ and a leading magistrate and mason has issued on his/her own behalf a ban on anything ever said or to be said by him or herself in perpetuity.

In further developments, seen by some as one-upmanship, a major British football club has banned any mention of it or any of its players in the media including sports journalism and match commentary, a leading monarch of an unnamed royal family has been granted a super dooper injunction banning anyone thinking anything nasty about them and a firm of hedge traders has brought out a super, dooper, party pooper injunction banning all reports and/or words connected to or with the possibility of being connected to itself including ‘super’ (and any of its compounds ‘Superman’, ‘supermarket’ etc) and ‘injunction’ (‘unction’, ‘conjunction’, ‘Clapham Junction’ etc)

A commentator who pointed out the insanity of the current system has been summarily executed and his head left on a spike outside the Royal Courts of Justice until such time that everybody learns not to notice it.

About the author

Chester Drawers
Chester Drawers Is a disgraced journalist and political commentator, banned from working for any American news organisation after forging his own 'Pulitzzer Prize' he has found refuge in the somewhat more relaxed relationship between the press and the truth on our Sun drenched shores.